The Evolution of the Wine Buyer: An Unofficial Taxonomy
As we enjoy these warm August days, here’s to poking some fun at ourselves, the wine buying community…
Wine buyers are rarely defined by what they drink. They’re defined by why they buy it, what happens after they buy it, and how much anxiety is involved in opening it.
Here is our unofficial taxonomy.
1. The Label Loyalist
Motto:“I know what I like.”
Has purchased the same Cabernet for 14 years and sees no compelling reason to stop now. Could be presented with a perfectly aged First Growth Bordeaux and will ask, “Do you have any Caymus?”
Defining behavior: Consistency mistaken for discernment.
Natural habitat: Steakhouse.
Advisor challenge: Introducing a second wine.
2. The Score Chaser
Motto:“What did Parker give it?”
Cannot enjoy a wine until someone else has confirmed that it is enjoyable. A 97-point wine tastes noticeably better than the identical wine when they thought it received a 93.
Defining behavior: Drinks numbers.
Natural habitat: Wine-search apps.
Greatest fear: Discovering their favorite wine received an 89.
3. The Label Drinker
Motto:“Bring something impressive.”
The bottle is part beverage, part table decoration, part socioeconomic communication device.
Knows exactly where to position the label so everyone at dinner can see it.
Defining behavior: Orders the producer before the vintage.
Natural habitat: Restaurants where the wine list arrives on an iPad.
Favorite varietal: Status.
4. The Treasure Hunter
Motto:“You can’t get this anymore.”
Wine tastes better when obtaining it required three phone calls, an allocation, a waiting list, an introduction from someone named François, and possibly a wire transfer.
Defining behavior: The difficulty of acquisition is part of the tasting note.
Natural habitat: Auctions and mailing lists.
Favorite phrase: “Only two cases came into the country.”
5. The Spreadsheet Collector
Motto:“Technically, I have 1,147 bottles.”
Can tell you the acquisition cost, current market value, storage location, drinking window and critic scores of every bottle.
Cannot tell you what they are drinking with dinner tonight.
Defining behavior: CellarTracker is opened more frequently than actual bottles.
Natural habitat: Climate-controlled cellar.
Greatest pleasure: Conditional formatting.
This buyer is particularly relevant to DonFam’s cellar-management philosophy: visibility, organization and drinking windows are valuable - but ultimately the objective is to actually enjoy the wine.
6. The Accidental Hoarder
Motto:“I’m saving that one.”
Started with a 24-bottle wine rack.
Now has 600 bottles.
Everything is being saved for “the right occasion,” although apparently birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, Thanksgiving and surviving another fiscal year don’t qualify.
Defining behavior: Buys faster than they drink.
Greatest enemy: Time.
Likely epitaph:He had some magnificent Burgundy. We think.
7. The Tuesday-Night Hedonist
Motto:“Why exactly are we saving it?”
The natural predator of the Accidental Hoarder.
Will open Champagne because the chicken came out well. Understands instinctively that the purpose of a great cellar is not to die owning great wine.
Defining behavior: Opens bottles other people photograph.
Natural habitat: Kitchen counter.
Superpower: Enjoyment.
8. The Wine Geek
Motto:“Actually, that vineyard is 0.7 hectares…”
Would rather discover an obscure grower in the Jura than receive a bottle of Opus One.
Has opinions about whole-cluster fermentation, soil composition, élevage and whether “minerality” technically exists.
You did not ask.
Defining behavior: Turns dinner into a masterclass.
Natural habitat: Independent wine shop talking to the owner.
Danger level: High after the second bottle.
9. The Burgundy Victim
Motto:“This one is supposed to be extraordinary.”
Has spent years and an alarming amount of money attempting to recreate the experience of one transcendent bottle of Burgundy consumed in 2007.
Mostly unsuccessful.
Keeps trying.
Defining behavior: Financially irrational optimism.
Natural habitat: Burgundy allocations.
Relationship status: It’s complicated.
10. The Investment Banker
Motto:“What do you think this will be worth in ten years?”
Does not have a cellar. Has a portfolio.
Bordeaux isn’t wine; it’s an asset class. Burgundy is growth. Champagne provides diversification.
Defining behavior: Calculates CAGR before pulling the cork.
Natural habitat: Auction results.
Greatest dilemma: The investment returned 11% annually, but unfortunately it also tastes fantastic.
11. The Sommelier Surrender
Motto:“You pick.”
Possibly the happiest person at the table.
Provides three pieces of information - what they’re eating, approximately what they want to spend, and what they generally like - then relinquishes control.
Defining behavior: Trust.
Natural habitat: Restaurants with serious wine programs.
Typical result: Drinks something they’d never have ordered themselves.
12. The Panic Buyer
Motto:“I’m going to dinner tonight. What should I bring?”
Doesn’t really want to learn about wine at this particular moment. Wants someone to prevent them from arriving with an embarrassing bottle.
Defining behavior: Wine purchasing triggered by calendar invitations.
Natural habitat: Wine store at 5:42 p.m. Saturday.
This is essentially the perfect Personal Wine Advising client: remove the guesswork and match the bottle to the person, occasion, budget and palate.
13. The Costco Connoisseur
Motto:“You know what I paid for this?”
Possesses an uncanny ability to locate genuinely excellent wine at absurd prices - and then destroys everyone’s enjoyment by revealing the price repeatedly.
Defining behavior: Value is part of the flavor profile.
Favorite wine: Anything 40% below release price.
Second-favorite wine: The same bottle after telling you what they paid.
14. The Allocation Addict
Motto:“I finally got on the list.”
Spent seven years trying to obtain an allocation. Now receives six bottles annually whether they need them or not because stopping would render the previous seven years psychologically meaningless.
Defining behavior: Buys because they’re allowed to.
Greatest fear: Losing allocation status.
Storage situation: Deteriorating rapidly.
15. The Experience Buyer
Motto:“We had this when we were in Tuscany.”
Buys memories rather than wine.
That Brunello isn’t merely Brunello. It is the afternoon in Montalcino when they sat outside overlooking the Val d’Orcia and had lunch for three hours.
Defining behavior: Emotional ROI dramatically exceeds financial ROI.
Natural habitat: Winery tasting rooms.
Most valuable bottle: Rarely the most expensive one.
16. The Emerging Collector
Motto:“I want to build a really good cellar.”
The most interesting category because everything is still possible.
They have enough experience to know that they love wine, enough resources to explore seriously, but haven’t yet accumulated the habits - or mistakes - of a mature collector.
Defining behavior: Curiosity plus purchasing power.
Biggest opportunity: Building intentionally rather than accumulating randomly.
Biggest risk: Becoming #6.
This is where advising can have disproportionate value: palate, acquisition, cellar planning, education and collector guidance can be integrated before hundreds of purchasing decisions have already been made - the combination at the heart of the DonFam Cellars model.
17. The Enlightened Collector
Motto:“What should we open?”
The final evolutionary stage.
Knows producers and vintages but isn’t imprisoned by them. Owns important wines but also loves inexpensive ones. Tracks the cellar but doesn’t worship the spreadsheet. Buys intelligently, shares generously and understands drinking windows.
Most importantly, opens the damn bottles.
Defining behavior: Wine serves the owner rather than the owner serving the wine.
Natural habitat: A dinner table surrounded by friends.
Cellar philosophy:There are no great wines without occasions, and opening the great wine can create the occasion.
That last category is also a very good articulation of what we here at DonFam Cellars are ultimately selling: not bottles, scores or cellar inventory, but Wine Insights. Navigation. Enjoyment.
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